ColRenn
by meghanandchristine
Summary: A Mass Effect fanfiction written from the alternating viewpoints of Col the beautiful Turian and Renn the equally beautiful human. Give it a read if you love action, adventure and love. And Mass Effect of course.
1. The Funeral

Hi Everyone! c:

This is Meghan and I'm writing the part of Renn Boncroft, the lovely intergalactic researcher of ecosystems, biology and lalala. Christine is my alter ego and she is writing the part of Major Col Redovian: a beautiful Turian soldier who happens to be a bad ass. We both love tragedy, romance and ACTION PACKED BATTLES 8c. Oh, and mass effect of course. We love to play online multiplayer. By the way, Christine is a real human being. Just to be clear since I called her my alter ego. ANYWHO. We love to write and we love writing fanfiction and we LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE reviews. So please leave of us CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. We appreciate it and we will love you 5ever. ._.

Enjoy c:

Renn Boncroft 1

I stood motionless on the opposite side of the room receiving hugs and heart-felt apologies concerning my brother's death. His photo was projected on the wall across the room, smiling down at me like he always had. His military uniform looked sharp and pristine, his N7 badge shining with valor. I stared at him almost hatefully…hating him for leaving me. Alex's blue eyes pierced mine and completely shut out any false hate I could harbor. His death was shocking, unpredictable… A military man as himself was expected to fight until ordered to fall back. I guess I should have been more aware of the consequences of being in a military family. It all seemed like a myth, something unheard of to have a family member fall in battle until it actually happened. I received the call almost immediately after landing on Watson, a garden planet where I was planning to study for six months.

I got off of the jet, giggling with my fellow researchers, excited and prepared for our next endeavor. My phone rang its typical two-toned ring and I read a number that I hadn't seen before. I cocked an eyebrow and clicked 'answer'.

"Hello-"

"Is this Ms. Renn Boncroft?" An unfamiliar, but concise male voice responded from the other end.

"This is she", I answered. I heard a faint, robotic voice in the background confirm my voice to who I was.

"Ms. Boncroft, this is Commander McCormack", he answered. Greta looked at me questioningly and mouthed _Who is that?_ And I shook my head, holding my hand up and taking a few steps away.

"Commander…Has something happened?" I immediately thought of Alex, his face radiating in my mind.

"Yes", I could hear his face fall as soon as he said that syllable. "He's been in an accident." I gasped.

He proceeded to explain to me that my brother was a part of a covert operations mission involving the liberation of slaves recently taken captive by the Batarians. They succeeded in their task of freeing them, but only until the Batarians shot down his aircraft and he and part of his crew hurtled to the ground. No bodies were recovered from the wreckage. I held my breath as Commander McCormack explained this to me. He reassured me that my brother was one of their best; a tragic loss and he gave my family and I his best as he hung up.

It was heart breaking. I immediately flew home, my friends were in shock at my sudden departure and when I reached Earth, my mother and father greeted me mournfully and with slight disdain. Their prodigal son was gone and all they had left was their daughter who refused to follow family tradition. Instead of going into the military, I chose to study intergalactic ecosystems. My parents showed extreme disappointment when I told them I'd changed career paths on the dime, but all the same they supported me. Barely. My brother was proud for my audacity and we grew closer as we moved in different directions.

Now he was gone. Forever.

I watched aimlessly as people crowded in and out of the small room, praising my brother's military success and taking their turn to comfort me. I gave them heart broken smiles, accepted their kindness and let my strong façade fade as they walked away. Several familiar faces from my childhood sprinkled the crowd gathered around my brother's giant picture. My mother and father stood together, his arm around her comfortingly as she cried into his powder yellow handkerchief. He was wearing his own uniform from his military days and my mother was wearing her badge. My father looked proud of his son for what he'd accomplished in such a short time and I couldn't see them like this; truly stricken from his death. Parents weren't supposed to see their children die. Alex and I were supposed to bury _them_…

Flowers littered the area beneath his picture and I went to the lonely flower and small vase I set for him. It held a single white rose and I touched it lightly with my fingers, inhaling its fragrance and taking it out of the glass. I hadn't had the thorns removed as a symbolism of struggle. If he were alive, he would have appreciated it. I held the flower in my palm gently, careful of the thorns and I left the room, avoiding anymore unnecessary, social interaction. I'd had enough. I needed to be alone. I crept down the hall silently, smoothing my black slip dress down as it rode up on my tights until I'd reached the refreshments room. It was empty. Perfect.

The room had white washed walls with a plasma screen on its right wall, showing the news at a low level volume and a refrigerator, counter and small stove on the right. A round, metallic table sat in the middle of the room with four chairs bolted around it. I immediately sat in one of them, facing the door. I held the rose in my hand tightly, allowing the thorns to sink into my skin.

"Alex, why did you have-" I couldn't even finish my sentence. Tears overwhelmed me and I tried to silence my broken sobs as best as I could. For the first time since I'd received the call, tears fell. All my memories of us together came swarming back to me and I'd finally rationalized with the fact that I'd never hear his voice again; never a phone call with him on the line telling me about his latest mission and I telling him about my paper concerning the migrative habits of flightless birds found on Feron.

The last time I'd seem him before his death was at Christmas time; it now seemed like years ago. The memory of his face faded and his voice sounded jumbled with unclarified words. I felt himfading as I sat there and it made me sob harder. He was the only one in my family who made it felt like he cared about my future, what I did with myself. Now he was gone and it gave my parents one more reason to force me into their past lifestyle. I didn't want it, not after this happened. I stared down at my bloodied hand and shoved my face in the crook of my elbow, letting go completely. I sat there for quite some time and eventually sat up, cradling my head in my hands and wiping the remaining tears away, when someone walked into the doorway. It was a Turian.

"Oh", his eyes darted from left to right. He turned his head and looked down the hall and then back at me. "This…is awkward." He chuckled nervously and took a step back. I noticed he was in uniform and had the Liberty Unit emblem like Alex had on his own uniform breast pocket. They worked together.

"Wait-" I said weakly. My voice sounded foreign and I looked down at the table, examining the rose in between my fingers. The Turian stood there, waiting for me to respond. He was darker than what would be considered the 'normal shade of Turian' with black markings along his forehead and cheek plates, his eyes flashed an unsettling yellow. I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked up at him.

"Did you know Alex?" I asked him.

"...you must be Renn", he said almost hesitantly. The turian turned his body to face me, but remained at a distance, eyeing me analytically. I nodded in response and held the rose more carefully again, its stem now slightly bent in the middle. He remained silent, scratching the side of his head and crossing and uncrossing his arms behind his back. He knew my name.

"And you are?" I looked up at him, staring into his golden eyes until he answered me. Seconds that ticked by felt like hours and the tension in the room grew to an all time high, but I didn't care.

"Col."

"Col what?" I responded quietly, almost robotically.

"Just…Col", he nodded for clarity. I nodded slowly and sat up in the chair, I felt his eyes boring into me.

"Alex was always a fighter", I mumbled, tears almost completely gone. The blood on my hand was now dry and cracking. "Whenever we played tag, he would chase me until he caught me and had me on the ground, screaming, 'You're it now' into my face." I smirked to myself and looked up at Col endearingly. Col smirked too, but it immediately faded.

I began to talk. I'm not sure why. I just kept going on and on about Alex as Col nodded and responded. His eyes were trained on the table as I spoke, but he kept nodding so I assumed he was always listening to me.


	2. How 'bout Them Aliens

It's ChristiiIIIiiiIIIne again hi. I don't know why I'm ALWAYS the guy in these things but whatever. Turians are hot. Everybody meet Col Redovian, his name is pronounced like CALL. NOT COAL. OR COLE. OR WHAT HAVE YOU. He's really sexy and I'd totally bang him blahblahblah I hope this is interesting for all of you. I'm obsessed with Mass Effect, I love the ENTIRE series, I'm an avid multiplayer..er...but this is not our time period and I don't know what everything is called so reviews are ESSENTIAL TO MAKE THIS STORY GOOD. If i made a mistake TELL ME PLEASE. Don't let me embarrass myself. I do that enough already c:  
Obviously some original thought goes into this as well, after all I don't know Turian culture and what not but if there's a discrepancy, once again, please let me know.

REVIEW PLEASE :3 I LOVE YOU :3

* * *

Spirits I hated this already. I felt so uncomfortable in my own clothes; civvies never fit me comfortably. I'd sooner be in a full suit of armor than in my dress blues. The fabric was just a little too rough and it squeezed all the wrong places; I was suffocating. But there wasn't much I could do about it; showing up at a funeral armed to the teeth would probably send a very wrong message. I glanced at the bold glowing sign before me, "Alexander Patrick Boncroft – 10:00 AM" and below it, an arrow pointing down a carpeted hallway. I swallowed nervously and took a step down the hall, glancing at the walls left and right. They were a warm ivory tone and gentle on the eyes but it reeked of synthetic metal, just like the inside of the warship.

_"Col, you and your men take point. Boncroft in the back." Commander McCormack fitted his helmet over his head, "Move it!" He yelled, clapping loudly. The front panel of my helmet slid in place, shielding my face from any and all projectiles and I clung to the siderail of the Kodiak as the door to the shuttle began to slowly slide open. Wind whistled noisily past the opening and the shuttle rattled and jolted in the air and my gut lurched into my throat; something felt off. I felt something nudge my side and I glanced to my left to see Alex Boncroft, better known as Ace in the ranks. He'd earned that nickname through the hundreds of tight spots he'd managed to get himself and his men out of. He really was the Alliance's most well kept secret next to Shepard. A hidden ace. _

_"Nervous?" He yelled, nodding towards the open door. I shrugged half heartedly,  
"Nerves never go away, y'know?" The men around us grunted in agreement. Ace shook his head and I could see through the helmet his amused grin.  
"No place in the army for a nervous Turian." He joked and I shook my head with a snort,  
"You're just sore you're not taking point." Ace shrugged a shoulder, a sign of admittance._

_"I'm jus' sayin', I'd be happy to take your place." I watched as the human soldier switched his weight from one foot to the other. He had an assault rifle resting on his right shoulder and the N7 logo blazed fiercely across his chest, I cocked my head slightly to the side. He was more than capable of taking point and besides, I __**always **__took point.  
"Your deathwish." I muttered, gesturing toward the open door. Ace gave me a surprised look and I flashed him a smirk, the last raid had only lasted about 93 minutes. Whether Ace could beat that time was about to be put to the test.  
"Infiltration team, your status is green, take the jump." Commander McCormack shouted over the PA system of the small shuttle and with a parting grin, I watched as Ace and 5 more men threw themselves out of the Kodiak and into the dark night sky. "What the hell?!" The commander yelled as Ace dove out of the aircraft last and he shot me a questioning glare to which I shrugged apologetically,  
"Change of plans, commander." McCormack was visibly grinding his teeth but didn't pursue the topic any further, he knew Ace was just as capable as anyone to handle the situation. But there's an exception to everything._

I shuddered at the vivid memory. That had been the last moment I'd spent with Ace physically. I continued walking down the dimly lit hallway, my mandibles twitching occasionally from the nerves. If I hadn't let Ace take my place I wouldn't be here at his funeral. The round metal door rolled away as I came closer and about 20 feet away was a larger than life projection of Ace's face and a full room of people. Humans, turians, asari, salarians, even a krogan or two; all had come to say goodbye to Ace. I exhaled forcefully and with a straightened back and squared shoulders, stepped over the threshold and took my place in line to pay my respects.

The line was moving faster than I'd anticipated and before I even realized it, Ace was staring me straight in the face. By human standards, I assumed he was handsome. He had brilliant blue eyes and a full head of dark hair; women were always giggling around him and I just took that to be a good sign. I really didn't understand humans. Especially the females. I clasped my hands behind my back and stared into those blue eyes for what felt like hours but I was one of the last to show up and there was nobody behind me so I didn't feel rushed. I half expected Ace to come crashing through the roof roaring with laughter with a bottle of that awful human beer in his hand, announcing that this was all a hoax. That he was alive and well. But after minutes of just staring and no sign or hint of laughter, I slowly came to terms with his death. It really was hard to accept; it had all happened so fast. As the humans put it, it was a "curveball".

_"All clear!" Ace's voice crackled across the network and I gave my men the okay and we surged through the hulking compound. Ace and his team were already inside working room by room cutting security links, gassing rooms, hacking security terminals, I didn't understand why McCormack always put me in infiltration. Ace was just as good, probably even better. He was Ace. I led my squad down a flight of narrow, rusty stairs and deep into the bowels of the compound. There was hardly any light but it wasn't much of a problem, I pulled out my rifle and a beam of light emitted out of the gun's scope illuminating a plated metal floor with broken pieces of glass scattered about. I held a fist in the air signaling my men to stop and I proceeded forward with caution. I kept my back to the wall and crept along silently until the wall made a sharp right. I knew Ace had already been through here but it didn't hurt to be careful. I peered around the edge and squinted into the darkness; I would've assumed it to be empty if not for the barely audible scuffling of feet and the quiet whimpers. The fear was almost tangible. I waved my hand, pointing down the dark hall,  
"Get them out and to the shuttles, now." I murmured, tucking my rifle away. The men nodded with grudging reluctance and jogged into the hall, sliding back the heavy metal doors one by one. Minutes later, we'd escorted at least 25 slaves onto 3 separate shuttles and the process repeated itself three more times. _

_"Threat has been neutralized, ready for extraction!" Ace's voice blasted into my earpiece and I swore quietly. He was almost too excitable for his own good. _

_"Major Redovian, fall back. Ace, I sent you a new navpoint, rendezvous there." Commander McCormack disconnected almost immediately and I grunted to myself. Running all the way back was no easy feat. Sometimes being a military man just didn't pay off._

_"Commander wants us to fall back." I barked, pointing with my rifle back the way we'd come. "Good work today, men." I gave my squadmates a nod of approval and several of them saluted whether out of habit or genuine respect, I didn't know. Some of the Alliance were still wary of me but I didn't really hold it against them. After all, I was an alien and a good foot taller than all of them. The jog back was uneventful and the trip was quick, the same shuttle that had dropped us off was waiting for us again and we all climbed back in and sat on the benches, backs to the wall. I propped the rifle against my leg and closed my eyes with a contented sigh; the batarian slaver raid had been quite the success with no hold ups or any sort of trouble, really. That's what I thought until I heard that low rumble of heavy machinery as it aligned with its target._

_ My eyelids flew open and I bolted upright in my seat, "Can anyone hear that?" I hissed, my head tilted slightly to the side. The soldiers gave me strange looks and others moved back a few inches, but I knew exactly what I heard. I moved as quickly as I could to the driver compartment of the shuttle and glanced over the pilot's shoulder, reading the radar. _

_"What are you doing?!" The pilot snapped, glaring at me out of the corner of his eye. I ignored him and adjusted a few dials on the monitor until it gave me exactly the information I was looking for. _

_"Thanix Canons." I whispered, very softly. The color drained from the pilot's face and he wasted no time lifting the Kodiak off the ground, launching us into the air at an uncomfortably steep angle."Canons!" I shouted, just before a biotic force slammed into the shuttle throwing us all off our feet. I rolled quickly back to my feet and grabbed a rail for support and with a finger to my earpiece, tried to make contact with somebody. "Liberty Extraction Unit, we're being hit by canon-fire, does anybody copy?" I shouted as I made my way to the tiny window beside the door. All I could see was a haze of purple and a dim outline of a canon as it realigned itself for another shot. "Does anybody copy?" I yelled again but there was still no answer and I slammed a fist against the wall out of frustration. I was NOT dying. Not here, not now. I rolled away from the window as another force rocked us all to the ground but I'd safely reached the pilot's seat again. There was no way a brand new initiate could drive this thing in the middle of canon-fire. "Contact the Commander!" I yelled at the pilot and for the first time, he didn't question my orders and immediately allowed me in the pilot's seat. _

_"There's no response!" The initiate shouted, latching onto the back of my seat. I flipped a few dials and with a hand on the accelerator, thrust us forward at a breakneck speed. _

_"KEEP TRYING." I snapped, frustrated. My head hit the back of the seat from the speed of acceleration and a loud crash sounded behind me as the bodies of soldiers all slammed against the back of the shuttle. Emergency lights flooded the shuttle and the sirens blared loudly in my ears, loud enough that I could barely make out the voice screaming into my ear piece. _

_"COL, THIS IS ACE. DO. YOU. COPY?" The connection was oddly weak and his voice cut in and out but I responded nonetheless,  
"Yeah, I copy—someone get the fire out!" I yelled, glancing over my shoulder at the men scrambling about the floor. I heard a distinct "yes sir!" and returned my attention to flying the shuttle and to Ace. "What the hell is going on?!" _

_"Major!" I glanced behind me again and a soldier was pointing out the back window at a seemingly armed batarian shuttle. __**Shit.**__  
"I don't know, Col. We cleared every room and—" The sound of gunshots hitting metal broke our connection for a while but Ace returned within seconds. "They've got scramblers up, I can't contact McCormack!" The gunshots came again but this time they were hitting us. I sent the shuttle into a nose dive, forcing my heart into my throat. _

_"We're not getting any luck either." I yelled, dodging another round of bullets. I glanced at the holographic screen in front of me and much to my relief, found that the Alliance frigate was ready for extraction less than a mile away. "Someone upload the frigate navpoint to Major Boncroft!" I shouted at one of the soldiers, hopefully we'd all make it out alive. _

_"See you on board, Ace signing off." The connection fizzled out again and I scoffed under my breath,  
"Gonna be one hell of a ride." A few more minutes of rolling and diving and mad acceleration and we'd somehow made it safely onto the warship Liberty, out of the batarians' reach._

"Excuse me, but, are you done?" An impatient but tearful older woman tapped me on the shoulder and gave me a rueful stare. I took one last look at the gigantic projection and a pang of guilt hit me in the chest. I murmured a very soft I'm sorry beneath my breath and slowly walked away. Something clinked in the pocket of my civvies and I dug out Ace's spare dogtags out and just let them sit in my hand. The light glinted off the shiny metal and the N7 logo flashed brightly; I turned it over and on the other side was Ace's name. If his parents were anything like a turian's parents, they'd want to keep these in remembrance of their son. Their heroic son. I walked towards the edge of the room where two tall, proud humans stood. Both decorated ex-Alliance officials and both obviously overcome with grief and loss. The taller of the two, a man with deep brown eyes, caught mine and gave a solemn nod of recognition.

"Liberty Unit, right?" He asked, gesturing at the logo emblazoned on the front of my clothes. I saluted him in the traditional fashion and he gave me a sad, almost broken smile. "No need for that, son." He murmured softly. I smiled half heartedly and shifted my weight to my other foot,  
"I'm very sorry for your loss, mister and misses Boncroft." I bowed my head in respect and the two humans returned the gesture, I was surprised they were familiar with Turian customs.

"He fought well and that's all we could ask for." The female murmured with a broken smile of her own. I could see where Ace got his looks from, his parents seemed to fit the requirements for "handsome" as well.

"I actually came to give you these," I opened my hand to reveal the dogtags and the woman had to forcefully choke back a wave of sadness. That much, I could tell. She took them out of my hand, eyes squeezed shut, and she just nodded. She mouthed 'thank you' over and over again and the father's own eyes glistened with moisture and he gave me a firm nod that said a thousand different words. I was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed. I could remember the way my heart pounded in my chest as we all screamed encouragement and prayers as Ace's shuttle came into view. He'd been so close. I could remember that moment of silence that follows after a cannon is fired and the horrible sound of shattering metal and the smell of burnt flesh. The few seconds of shock and disbelief when I'd realized Ace hadn't made it, the ringing in my ears after the explosion, McCormack's scream to seal the door, that we'd gotten what we came for. That there was no saving him now. I hadn't even realized it but I found myself in a tiny backroom, away from the crowds and most importantly, away from Ace's beaming face. If only I hadn't let him take my place…

I was suddenly aware of a pair of eyes and I glanced down to face them, _  
_"Oh." I couldn't think of what else to say, I hadn't exactly planned on walking into a strange room where a human female had obviously been crying. With a bloody hand. Neither of us said anything and I glanced over my shoulder down the hallway, I didn't even _remember _coming here. "Well this is awkward…" I mumbled with a weak laugh, trying to relieve the tension. It didn't seem to be working and I took a step back toward the way I'd come. Or the way I thought I'd come.

"Wait." She rasped and I froze nervously. My mandibles began twitching again and I eyed the human steadily, I suddenly realized why she made me so nervous. She looked like Ace. "Did you know Alex?" Her eyes were hopeful and instantly, my heart dropped to the floor. So this was Renn Boncroft. I fought the sigh that threatened to burst from my mouth and I slowly turned to face her. From what Ace had told me about her, I didn't think I'd be able to get out of this one.

"You must be Renn." I mumbled, shifting my weight again. I scratched the back of my neck and clasped my hands tightly behind my back, urging myself to stop moving. The female gave me a slow nod, never breaking eye contact once. Her eyes were just as blue as Ace's…  
"And you are?" What should've been a simple question suddenly seemed like a life or death decision. I almost convinced myself to lie out of guilt, after all, this funeral wouldn't be taking place if not for me. But in the end, I decided that what I told her wouldn't make any difference. It was still my fault.

"Col." I murmured, squeezing my hands together behind my back. Renn gave me a vaguely confused look,  
"Col what?" My mandibles flared almost defensively and I shifted my gaze away from hers momentarily,  
"Just…Col." I muttered so softly it was barely audible. Renn nodded slowly again and straightened her back and stared at her hands contemplatively in the same way Ace always had just before missions. I swallowed hard and rubbed the back of my neck again, I couldn't explain what I was feeling in that moment other than exposed. I just wanted to be back on a warship, away from this funeral, a funeral without even a body.

"Alex was always a fighter." Renn suddenly spoke up, and I glanced at her. Her face lit up with a small smile, "Whenever we played tag, he would chase me until he caught me and had me on the ground, screaming, 'You're it now' into my face." I didn't really understand why she was telling me this or why she was even smirking to herself, but I didn't say anything and stayed rooted in place, listening. She continued talking about Ace and I eventually took a seat beside her, listening attentively, smiling when I was supposed to and nodding. I didn't say a word, she did all the talking and for some reason, the guilt subsided and I was perfectly content with listening to her talk. I'd never really taken the time to really listen to a human's voice, they were nothing like a Turian's. They lacked the subtle flanging undertone, it was smooth and lilting, very much like the soft human cloth they called silk. I didn't know how long we sat but it wasn't until the hall filled with voices that she stopped talking. Another human appeared at the doorway, a male with blonde curly hair with peculiarly pink skin. It made him look so weak and puny I had to physically stop myself from grinning with amusement.

"Funeral's about to start, Renn." The male gave me a subtly disgusted look and I covered my mouth with a hand, funny how the weak ones always had the superiority complex.

"Oh…" Renn wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and her face fell visibly. It was amazing how emotionally…complex humans could be. She rose from her seat and the male called Darren immediately grabbed Renn's hand. He flashed me a conniving smile and pulled Renn closer to him and through the doorway. I cocked my head to the side,

"Humans…" I mumbled to myself before following the two at a distance. Renn looked over her shoulder at me just before she sat down on a cushioned pew towards the front and gave me a small smile. I didn't know if this was her way of saying thanks for listening or if she just liked to smile, but I nodded and returned the gesture with a small smile of my own before sitting down a few rows back. The subsided guilt slowly began to resurface and I prepared myself for the emotional hellride I was about to put myself through.


	3. To Watson, but not really

_Hello again. c: It's Meghan/Renn. I wrote this part. I HOPE HOPE HOPE you guys like it. If you have any corrections, leave us reviews, comments concerns. Please. Please. Please._

_**Enjoy**__. c:_

"Funeral's about to start, Renn", came a familiar voice from a boy I'd been trying to avoid all evening. I looked up at Darren and took a deep breath. Pig faced Darren. I'd known him since I was a little girl and we grew up together. He was unavoidable, a horrible person. He was self-centered and a journalist, which happened to turn him into the nosiest ass of all time.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and stood up.

"Oh", I murmured quietly. He gestured for me to come with him and I glanced down at Col and then back up at Darren. His hand was extended and I took it. He dragged me from the room and pulled me beneath his arm, hugging me close.

"Who was that guy?" He asked me. "You? With a turian? Really?" He prodded me in the stomach with his finger, almost scolding me as he said it. I flinched away from his hand and looked up at him almost hatefully.

"What do you mean 'me with a turian'?" I spat at him. He said it like it was wrong for me to be with him and it made me dislike him even more than I already did. He smirked with pride and shook his head.

"A pretty girl like you deserves to be with someone…equally attractive. Human", he said with a lustful grin. I pushed myself out of his grip and contorted my face with disgust.

"Darren, you're a pig and an ass. This is my brother's funeral. Don't speak to me again", I walked ahead of him, enflamed with fury.

I passed through the doorway into the small chapel and walked toward the cushioned pew that my mother and father were already sitting in. Another picture of my brother's face was projected on the wall and more flowers were placed underneath it. Several people had attended. A lot of them were people I had never seen nor met before. I never knew he affected so many...and a lot of them were in uniform and it made me proud of him.

I looked behind me and noticed Col towards the back of the chapel. Our eyes caught each other's and I blushed, giving him a small smile. He was the only turian here. I couldn't keep myself from looking at him. He was so interesting to me.

"Lucy, turn around and sit down", my mother scolded me. She was the only one who called me by my first name. Col looked up and we locked eyes. His eyes widened a little as he caught my smile and he bowed his head in response, giving me a small smile as well. I sat down in my seat and prepared for the worst.

The priest made his way to the podium and raised his hand for silence.

"We have come together to honor the parting of Alexander Patrick Boncroft. A soldier. A son. A brother…" He glanced down at me and I felt my throat begin to close again like it had in the backroom. I could already hear my mother's loud sniffles and my father's disconcerted grunts.

He continued speaking for quite some time and led us in a hymn. The funeral service continued and I felt myself glaze over. I was no longer there. I was somewhere else…at least my mind was. I didn't want to participate in the goodbye of my brother. I couldn't. Not yet.

I watched numbly as my father walked to the podium and gave his short speech about my brother's existence and then watched as Commander McCormack made his way up. He began to describe how Alex was killed and what honor it brought to the Alliance, how is death wasn't in vain. I forced myself to stop listening. I heard nothing and I felt nothing. I barely even remembered getting home that evening.

I fell into my bed and went to sleep. I had no closure. Alex was gone, but it didn't feel real. As I cried, I still doubted that he was dead. I expected him to burst through the front door shouting,

"LUCY I'M HOME", like from that extremely old Television program from way back. It made me smile. I'd run down the stairs and throw myself into his arms. The memory of it made my eyes teary. If we'd only had a little more time, I might have called him more often or visited the Citadel to see him while he was on duty. I curled up underneath my sheets and buried my face into my pillow.

I woke up clinging my pillow tightly to me and at first I didn't know where I was. I was at home…in my old room. Alex was dead. I swallowed hard and got up from my place. The clock on the wall read 11:13 AM and I rolled out of bed. I was still wearing my dress from the night before and I walked from my room tentatively. I could hear the television playing from downstairs. I descended the stairs into the kitchen and smelled waffles being made. My father was cooking again.

"Good morning, Renn", he grunted, checking the waffle.

"Dad-", I started.

"Feels weird, doesn't it?" He asked me. I nodded and sat down in the bar stool at the counter. The kitchen felt massive compared to my apartment in London. It was small and cramped; one bedroom, one bathroom.

The house I grew up in was massive. Being in a military family made of old money got you nice things. Our nice things consisted of our house and the items that went inside of it. Our grand staircase and chandelier almost seemed like its magnum opus. The front of it was held up by sturdy, white columns with elaborate carvings at the top and base of each one. The house itself had nine bedrooms and ten and a half bathrooms. It was a little ridiculous. My mother's great-grandmother lived in the house with us, along with both sets of my grandparents and all of our pets. The house still felt empty with so many people in it. It was a little overwhelming sometimes, but it was home and I was fortunate to have it.

"I miss him already, Dad", I said, taking the plate with the waffle on it that my dad just made.

"You knew how Alex was…he wouldn't want you to be sad, sweetheart. He'd want you to be happy. He would want _all_ of us to be happy. He's not suffering anymore", he encouraged me.

"Dad, he wasn't suffering", I rolled my eyes at him. "He was completely healthy. Why Alex?" I asked him, holding my head in my hands.

"I don't know. I'm sure there was a reason", he smiled at me and took a big bite of his own waffle. He was uncharacteristically optimistic, but that's how my dad always was. He celebrated death. I mimicked the gesture and smiled. It was delicious. He always made the best waffles. "But he was suffering, Renn. We all are."

I thought back to the Collector attacks that seemed like yesterday. People were in hysterics everywhere. No one felt safe. If you weren't protected, you'd be abducted. That was the mindset. The world was frantic…a feeling of unease and nervousness had become an all-shadowing premonition, but that was all over now.

"I know, Dad", I said quietly, finishing off my waffle.

My mother came down the stairs with her hair pinned up and a robe on over her pajamas. She stalked through the kitchen numbly and took a seat on the plush couch and began flipping through channels without a word. She looked angry, almost hateful.

"Good morning, mom", I called to her. She waved a hand and she finally settled on the news channel where a dolled up woman proceeded to speak loudly into the camera about how a group of the Alliance's newest soldiers had crashed a shuttle. No one was hurt, but my mom scoffed at them and proceeded to say,

"If Alexander were alive, he would be infuriated by their behavior", she said. My father shrugged.

"He was a sharp boy, Margaret", he said. "But, he did some stupid shit when he was their age too."

"Alexander did _not_!" She replied sharply.

"Mom, he would have probably laughed at them for being idiots", I tried to encourage her. She wouldn't listen.

"You stay out of this", she hissed at me. My mouth dropped to the floor and I looked at my father for help.

"Margaret, please. We know you're upset. We all are", he said, "But honey, we've got to move on. Alex would've wanted it for us. He would want us all to be happy."

"How can I be happy when my only child left is a fucking researcher?" She spun around in her place on the couch and I gasped. Never had I heard my mother use such a vulgar word or ridicule me for my choices. I knew she disapproved, but never had she voiced her opinion until now.

"Margaret-"

"No! You hush. I'm speaking with Lucy Renee right now", she growled at him. My dad took a step forward and shook his head, but that wasn't enough to keep her from speaking.

"You're the only member of this family that hasn't joined the Alliance. You're the only one to refuse to follow the footsteps of the rest of us. Why, Lucy Renee? WHY?" she screamed at me. I felt the tears brimming.

"You know why", I said quietly.

"No, I don't", she said. "You're wasting oxygen in this household if you aren't a part of the military. How dare you…" I couldn't believe my mother was spewing words like these. It was horrible behavior and my father stood silent, not sure how to handle the situation. She kept going with the biting tone and the venomous words towards me and I stood there, saying nothing. I stared at my mother for quite some time and then looked at the floor, blinking my tears away.

"I've chosen the path I wanted to follow", I said, storming out of the kitchen and up to my room through the back staircase.

I began throwing my clothes into a suitcase, grabbing my toiletries quickly and throwing them in as well. I quickly changed out of my dress from the night before and put on a t-shirt, jeans and a long-sleeved flanel t-shirt with a winter jacket. Watson was always cold.

I needed to get out. I had to. I couldn't stay here any longer. Alex's memory was slowly chipping away at my healing façade and the feeling of tormented depression was slowly creeping back. I could her my father speaking to my mother in a hushed voice, but she was too upset to be talked to. I pulled out my phone and told it to call Greta. She answered in one ring.

"Hi, Renn", she spoke in a hushed way that she always did. "How are you?"

"Terrible", I spoke quickly, throwing a couple more things into my suitcase before shutting it and locking it with my fingerprint. "I can't stay here anymore. I'm coming back to Watson."

"Getting away might be best for you right now", she said, reassuring me of my choice.

"I know", I said. "I'll be there as a soon as I can. Pick me up?" There was only one shuttle port on Watson since there were so few inhabitants and they all lived on the same continent. Our lab was roughly an hour away from it.

"Of course." The line went dead. I quickly called a local cab service and told them I needed a ride to the shuttle port as soon as possible. They could have a cab there within five minutes. Their service was…amazing to say the least. I hung up and grabbed my suitcase by the handle, jerking it from my room and down the stairs noisily.

It made a disgusting noise against the wood as I pulled it down the stairs and into the grand foyer. Both of my parents stared at me and my dad shook his head, covering his eyes. I could see the remorse on his face and my mother looked like a nervous wreck. She opened her mouth to speak, but I silenced her with my hand.

"I'm leaving. Don't expect me to call anytime soon", I said hatefully. The front door opened automatically and I stepped over the threshold. I waited outside the front of my house until the cab came and while waiting, I ordered the ticket for the next flight to Watson; it was to leave in less than an hour and a half and in order to get there in time and through security, I would need a miracle. I wasn't too worried. I felt like karma was on my side that day.

The cab came and I hopped inside to be immediately engulfed by the sound of loud piano music. It was pretty, sad…It made me want to cry, but I refused. I was done crying. Alex was gone and that was it, but now my mother was too. I sat there thinking about her the entire way there, through security and only did I stop thinking about her when the robotic flight attendant asked me want I wanted for refreshment. The compact space shuttle only had a handful of people in it because the Alliance had only allowed a certain amount of people from each country to colonize Watson. It was an honor and a blessing to be able to study its unexplored corners.

"Just water, thank you", I replied, accepting the cup and taking a few cautious sips. The shuttle ride was shorter than expected and I quickly sent Greta a message that we would be there soon. I got a fast reply reading, "_I'll be waiting for you at baggage claim."_ I smiled at that and being back on Watson almost brought tears to my eyes.

It was a beautiful planet. The trees grew everywhere. If there was grass there was trees, not like earth. A lot of the trees went through almost the same thing the Krogans did. They couldn't survive. The human race had been killing them for years with all the wasteful bi-products that we produced, but only now since the nifty invention of the machines that take excess carbon dioxide and waste gases out of the air, have trees begun to flourish again. Things started looking green instead of grey and it made me happy to go back to Earth sometimes, but nothing challenged the beauty of Watson. The massive waterfalls and their beautiful pools beneath them took my breath away and it was perhaps the place I adored most, but that wasn't why people came here. They came here for the beaches with the most amazing tides on any planet in the galaxy.

"Oh, Renn!" Greta shouted at me, pulling my suitcase with her. I smiled and ran up to her, hugging her tightly. We leaned left to right and she gave me a kiss on my cheek.

"I've missed you so much", I said into her massive, curly blonde hair.

"I've missed you too", Greta smiled wider.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"Well, I have two things…" she turned around and gestured her hand to a sitting area where the rest of the people on our team sat. There were five of us in all. My jaw dropped with happiness and I ran to them, hugging each one of them.

"Renn, there you are!" Jack shouted, pulling me into a playful headlock and I smirked, punching him in the gut. "We've been wondering where you've been the past week." None of them brought up my brother and it made me happy. Thomas was Jack's study assistant and the other was an older man who was coordinating our study, Dr. Eradra. He was a salarian…an extremely intelligent salarian. I smiled at him and hugged him as well.

"How have you been, dear?" He asked, completely concerned.

"I've been okay. Better now that I'm back", he smiled at that.

"Well, team. Let's get a move on. That new bacteria we discovered isn't getting studied like it should", he nudged me with his arm. My jaw dropped for the second time that day. I looked at Greta and she shrugged and mouthed _That was number two._ I nodded and rolled my eyes, but quickly smiled widely with excitement.

We all hopped into the vehicle that barely held us all and made the hour long journey back to our laboratory and home.

The outside of the building was made almost completely of glass to preserve energy. Several solar panels sat on the roof, soaking up as much energy as possible to power the entire unit. There were three testing labs inside and then a living area on the bottom floor with three rooms. Greta and I shared one, Jack and Thomas shared the other, and Dr. Eradra had a room to himself. There was one kitchen and one living area. We had our "family" dinners a few times a week, but many nights were spent awake in labs until all hours of the morning. All of us were consumed by our passion to study. That's why we'd been picked to come here, form bonds and make discoveries.

In the university, I graduated at the top of my class with a degree in Intergalactic Biology and Ecosystems, a major rising in its popularity. Joining the alliance was my only other option, but I didn't want to follow in my family's footsteps. It wasn't what I wanted at the time. All living things fascinated me, from bacteria to the largest avian-like creatures I didn't even know existed. I had an affinity for them, but that was about to change.

As soon as we got back to the lab, Greta grabbed my hand and yelled for the boys to put my suitcase back in my room as she dragged me up the stairs to the lab with the new bacteria named IVI. I watched her as she flitted through the lab, grabbing a marked test tube and a dropper. She quickly dropped the liquid contents onto a glass slide and set it underneath the microscope. The image was sent to the projector and was now on the wall. I couldn't keep myself from gasping. It was like nothing I'd ever seen and it brought back excitement I hadn't felt in days. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and punched the air several times.

"This is phenomenal", she whispered. I nodded in response, but something in my gut turned violently and I suddenly felt completely wrong…I reached for the phone in the breast pocket of the large flannel I'd been wearing and flipped to Alex's number and realized something. I couldn't call him. This is what I had feared. I'd never hear his voice again. Slowly that tormenting depression was back again and the words of my mother began to haunt me as well. The pressure I'd felt going into college was heavier than I'd ever felt until now. I felt this horrible push, something I didn't think would ever happen to me and suddenly I felt that excitement I felt only moments ago began to ebb. I shook my head violently and Greta looked at me confused.

"What's wrong?" She asked, leaving the microscope and putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I just realized I can never hear his voice again", I looked up at her with tears in my eyes. "He would have loved to hear about this."

"I know he would have", she smiled, "But right now, you're tired. There is so much more to see tomorrow. You're going to be overwhelmed."

I nodded and soon fell into a routine. Nothing I did felt right anymore. Every night, I went to bed feeling like I hadn't accomplished something and I didn't know what to do anymore. It was there, in my mind, but I couldn't figure out what it was that was keeping me from being happy in the environment I'd worked so hard to become a part of.

Every day, we would leave the lab, go to a distant pond or hike through the woods, looking for undiscovered species and taking our new photographs and extensive notes that we'd made and decipher them. I did this for three weeks…and one night it came to me, suddenly and without warning, I knew what I had to do. Alex was looming in my head constantly and so was my mother, even my father at times. My mind was subconsciously pushing me to do something I never thought I would in a million years. I looked over at Greta who was sleeping in her bed and I bit into my lip hard. I checked my clock and the time was as perfect a time as any to call. I pulled my phone from my pocket and quickly dialed his number before I could back out. The phone rang a couple of times and he answered. My breath caught in my throat.

"Hello?" came the familiar voice.

"Commander McCormack, this is Renn Boncroft", I said, releasing my held breath.

"Renn, you don't _always_ have to call me Commander McCormack-" He began to say. I had to cut him off to say what I needed to say.

"I'd like to join the Alliance."


	4. I Like to Burn Myself

AAAAAAND back to Col. Enjoy, review, rate, hate, i don't care just please leave something i love you bye

* * *

"Hey, Redovian." I ignored the voice in my ear. My omni-tool pinged _several _times but I ignored that too. "Major!" The voice was more urgent this time, but I didn't really register that it was MY name that was being called. "IF YOU DO NOT ANSWER, I WILL HAVE YOUR ASS SENT THROUGH THE OMEGA-4 RELAY AND RIPPED OPEN BY WHATEVER COLLECTORS ARE STILL HIDING OUT THERE." I sighed heavily and opened my eyes, I was going to rip this out of my ear very, very soon.

"This is Major Redovian." I responded dully and I could hear the head commander's hiss of irritation,  
"I hope you're on the way to the Citadel right now, you're still on duty soldier." He spat and I wrinkled my nose distastefully. I had half a mind to return to Palaven and demand someone else be sent to the Alliance. I'd killed one of the few friendly human soldiers I knew and this whole 'bettering human-turian relationships' thing wasn't doing the best for my morale. I sighed, but returning without finishing the job would be like signing a waiver of life ridicule and…that definitely wasn't worth it.  
"Approaching mass relay in 5, will be there shortly." I kept my replies short and curt, whoever had replaced McCormack temporarily was doing a shit job.  
"We'll be at the C-Sec office, don't b-" I grimaced and ripped the earpiece out of my ear and tossed it over my shoulder. I was returning from a funeral, I'll take as much time as I damn well please. I actually ended up never reporting to the C-Sec office and with a few tweaks in my omni-tool, severed any and all network connections. It was unnerving at first to be surrounded by silence, no military chatter, no beeps or rattles from the omni-tool, but I got used to it fast and even came to relish in it. I spent the rest of the day at the shooting range and floating from one club to another. I loved the loud music. It was loud enough to drown out my thoughts and I liked the way it rattled my bones and beat deep in my chest. Some may say the loudness gives them a headache but for me, it rather brought me solitude. And everybody else was too busy dancing and enjoying each other to pay any attention to the turian at the lone booth, swirling a glass of amethyst liquid.  
"Here for a dance?" An asari dancer crooned, leaning on the table with a hand on my forearm. I frowned and withdrew my arm,  
"No thanks." I muttered, taking another sip of the purpleish liquid. The asari gave me an exaggerated pout and climbed onto the table anyway, bringing her face uncomfortably close to mine.  
"I'll give you one for free." She whispered, dragging a violet tongue across her lips. I sighed into my cup before drinking the rest and slammed the glass onto the table, hard enough to startle her but not hard enough to shatter the cup.

"No. Thank you." I growled in a slight drawl. I hadn't really honored my rule to stay sober, but I was breaking a lot of rules today. The asari gave a small yelp of surprise and scrambled off the table and gave me a bewildered stare, which I ignored because I was already walking off anyway. I think she said something rather vulgar but it was soon lost in the music and I'd forgotten the incident by the time I'd stepped out of the club. I was suddenly surrounded by silence again and there was nothing to save me from the torrents of emotions that threatened to overwhelm me and burst from every pore on my body. I couldn't keep the guilt away and the tiny rational side of me seemed to not understand _why_ I felt so guilty. It reasoned with me that Ace's death wasn't my fault, shit happens, it couldn't be helped. _It was fate_. That's what made me so furious. Fate didn't exist, there was cause and effect and my decision to let Ace in my place resulted in his death. As a Turian, I was taught to take responsibility for my actions. I could smell the alcohol on my breath and I laughed dryly, and this was how I was taking responsibility. At least I acknowledged it was completely my fault. I fought the urge to slip back into the club and forced myself to return to the apartment, my dark, desolate, and terrifyingly empty apartment.

It was cold inside, everything was coated with dust and it gave me the impression of abandonment. Death, even. But everything seemed to remind me of death now. Or of Ace. Either one, it was equally depressing and left me too exhausted to breathe. I slipped the assault rifle off my shoulder and let it clatter to the floor along with a pistol and the rest of my armor. I didn't bother dusting them off, or meticulously polish them until they shone, I just left them there at the front of the door in a miserable pile. I dragged a hand over my face and crossed my entire apartment in a few short steps and sank into a tiny couch that sat just beside the window. My apartment was located on the 589th floor so I had one hell of a view and in some ways, I was at peace and in others I grew even more restless. I turned away from the window, unable to look at the thousands of bright lights anymore and my eyes settled on a tiny model of the planet Palaven, my home world. A sharp pang of homesickness hit me in the gut and immediately following came a stab of self disgust and the most painful nostalgia. Ace had given that to me as an 'Introductory Surprise', courtesy of the Alliance. I'd never really thanked him for it, just nodded and stuffed it into some compartment in my luggage where it gathered dust for a week or so. It wasn't until I began to miss the dry, aridness of Palaven that I remembered the figure again. I should've thanked him. I got to my feet and staggered to the cabinet and ripped the doors open, I wasn't much of a drinker but these days I couldn't keep myself away from the intoxicating liquid. I came across a bottle of Ryncol, almost empty but enough to keep the memories away. I unscrewed the bottle and tipped it back until I'd drank every last drop and my entire body was on fire. I spent the rest of the night sitting against the wall, mind blank, the Palaven model in my hands. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make myself get over it. I didn't want to.

Over the course of the next two weeks, or two years, maybe more, maybe less. I was drunk almost daily and I wasn't really sure of anything and that was just the way I wanted it. But as a military man, I guess my behavior was unacceptable though I functioned perfectly during the day. It was when the sun went down and the lights were off that I became a complete wreck. But McCormack wasn't one to care about the little technicalities.  
"You need to get your shit together, Redovian." He snapped, thumping me on the back. I continued cleaning my rifle, thinking about how I'd spend the night in misery. Again. "Are you listening to me?" McCormack hissed, snatching my rifle away from me. I met his eyes calmly,  
"I'm fine." I growled, snatching my rifle back. The commander's jaw dropped and he threw his hands in the air and started pacing back and forth in front of me.  
"I can _**smell **_the alcohol on you every. Single. DAY. You are the FARTHEST thing from fine." He paused in front of me again, dark eyes fuming. "Is this about Ace?" I winced at his name; I couldn't get off duty faster. "It wasn't your fault, Col, and you know that." McCormack mumbled, rubbing a hand over his face and sighing. "He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, it was inevita—"

"No. It could've been prevented." I snapped, shouldering my half cleaned rifle. I rose to my feet and crossed the room and flung the door open.  
"Where do you think you're going?! You're still an Alliance soldier!" McCormack yelled after me and I laughed a dry, hollow laugh.  
"Not anymore." I muttered, slamming the door behind me. I immediately found my way to the nearest bar and settled down for as many Ice Brandies as I could afford.

I watched a large screen behind the bartender as it broadcast galactic news, from the escapades of the great Commander Shepard to economic rises and falls. Ace always had a fierce admiration for Shepard, something about the 'way he talks' and 'that cold exterior' that struck him to the core with awe and reverence. It had been almost 2 years since the Alliance had grounded Shepard and Ace had always defended Shepard's actions against the Collectors as something that should be recognized. _"If it weren't for Shepard, we'd all be abducted by now!" _He'd yell, pounding the table with his fist, _"This guy saves our asses AGAIN and this is how we repay him." _Ace would scoff and shake his head indignantly, bad mouthing the Alliance while dressed in the usual N7 armor. _Alliance _N7 armor. But Ace wasn't here to cheer wildly for Shepard. He was lost amongst the remains of the batarian slave complex, never to be found. The ever present depression settled in again and I leaned on the table, shoving my face into the crook of my arm. Spirits, I'd never thought this would be so hard.

"You ok?" I glanced up at the bartender who was cleaning glasses in front of me. He was a turian like I was, with lighter skin and red war paint. He looked up at me expectantly, eyes inquisitive and very attuned.  
"What makes you ask?" I mumbled, though I didn't want to hear the answer. The bartender snorted and gave me an amused smile.

"My job revolves around people like you. I know the warning signs." He tucked the glasses away and busied himself with pouring two drinks one of which he slid toward me and the other he kept for himself. "Not a relationship, is it?" He asked, cocking his head and even I had to snort at that. I couldn't even remember the last 'relationship' I'd been in.

"Nothing that insignificant." I murmured, draining the glass of the liquid. The bartender downed his glass also and gave me a slow nod,

"This should be interesting." He poured another glass and slid it towards me. I stopped it with my fingers and swirled it around for a second or two before speaking.

"My friend's dead." I was short and to the point but the bartender didn't even blanch and for that, I was both grateful and relieved.  
"It's a part of life." He responded and I sighed in frustration,  
"Not when it's your fault." The few moments before the airlock slid into place replayed in my mind and the scent of burning fuel filled my nostrils. McCormack's last words swam feverishly in my brain, the sound of shattering metal overpowered the sound of my already rushing heartbeat and before I could let myself sink any further, I swallowed the burning liquid as quickly as possible and imagined that I had been in the blast instead. I should've been the one who burned in flames. "I shouldn't have let him go in my place…" I muttered despairingly. I sagged forward in my seat as I felt a huge weight settle on my shoulders. I'd never known guilt could be so heavy.

"That's a hell of a burden." The bartender mumbled, eyeing me sympathetically. He didn't ask for any of the details, didn't even ask any questions. We were content in our silence and he filled my glass when it was empty; I didn't spend a single credit. My omni-tool suddenly pinged softly, interrupting my cycle of self hatred, depression, and back to self hatred. A message flashed brightly across the orange interface and it was actually from McCormack. I was surprised he was contacting me so soon after I'd, technically, walked out on the job.

"_I have a job for you. Be here ASAP." _I read the message over again to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Some of the stuff I'd been drinking _was _known for inducing hallucinations. But this one didn't seem to be one and that suspicion was soon confirmed when McCormack's voice blasted through my ear piece.  
"Redovian, I need you here right now. It's urgent." He didn't say anything else and cut me off right there giving me no choice but to get up and find out what he was talking about. I gave the bartender a nod of thanks and he wished me luck in whatever direction I was headed. I was glad at least one person was on my side.

I hesitated for a moment at the doors but they rolled away as soon as I was within range and I made a soft grunt in the back of my throat. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear whatever McCormack had to say but I had no choice now. I strode through the doorway, a mask of calm and quiet self confidence in my face. Several human soldiers were inside and they gave nods of acknowledgement, I returned the gesture and forced myself through the room, past the doorway and into the Commander's office. He was talking to someone with his back to me, shielding whoever it was he was talking to. I could make out a mess of short hair and assumed it was a male, though he looked rather short and even slender to be male. The door rolled back into place behind me and McCormack turned around, eyes wide and beaming.  
"Major Redovian!" He turned around, his body still shielding the stranger from my view. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. I saluted him as a gesture of respect and he waved his hands in the air, assuring me it wasn't necessary to salute him but I did anyway. Old habits die hard.  
"Commander." I murmured, my tone guarded. I clasped my hands behind my back and watched McCormack suspiciously.  
"Remember when I said I'd find a job for you?" His eyes glinted with an almost evil delight, "Well, I've got one." He moved to the side and who I thought was just an ordinary man suddenly turned out to be worse. _Much worse. _"I am charging you with the duty of successfully training this individual to become an Alliance soldier. Meet Renn Boncroft." I stared at Renn. I tried to keep the horror and helplessness from my face and though I was pretty good at being unreadable, this level of discomfort just couldn't be hidden. Her once long, dark hair was now cut short and her eyes blazed blue. _Just. Like. Ace. _Renn looked just as surprised and her mouth formed a little 'o',  
"You…" She mumbled and I stood stock still and shifted my eyes toward McCormack. _WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? _I shouted at him internally. He knew how much I was struggling with Ace's death and this was supposed to make it BETTER? I was now a mix of fury, depression, and confusion and from here, I thought, it could only get worse. What was she even _doing _here? I distinctly remembered Ace telling me his sister was into some, obscure science field and had no desire to be in the military. I clung to that simple fact that she had a lack of desire and prayed she'd quit after a week or so. Maybe even a few days. I couldn't see myself getting any better around another Boncroft. Who knows, maybe I'd get her killed too.  
"When do I start?" I muttered grudgingly and McCormack gave me a hard clap on the back.  
"Immediately." He gave me a wide grin and turned to leave, leaving me with Renn. Alone. I was at a loss of what to say. I didn't even want to look at her. Every time I did, it was like a punch to the gut.  
"Well…this is unexpected." She mumbled to my back and I very reluctantly turned to face her. I coughed a generic reply of agreement and mainly focused on trying NOT to seem so…un-put together. "Seth—er, the Commander said to tell you that I was already assessed to be an adept…" My eye twitched for an instant and I silently appraised her. I momentarily forgot my internal struggle and the turian soldier beat into my skull by Palaven Command resurfaced.  
"Adept, huh?" I murmured and Renn seemed to relax at my change of attitude and nodded.  
"Yeah. He said something about an implant too. Tomorrow at 11 AM at Huerta?" She looked genuinely confused and my lip twitched upward. Out of her entire family, I didn't think any of them were biotics. Her confusion was understandable.  
"Right, but first things first." I strode toward the door, motioning for Renn to follow. "Armor and weapons."

I walked briskly toward military surplus, looking over my shoulder occasionally to make sure Renn was still there. I ended up having to slow down mainly because my walk was a jog to her and she was out of breath just halfway there. Training her should be interesting. We didn't speak on the way there and I kept myself busy trying to decide what type of armor would fit her best. Funny how the military was both saving and ending my life. I bent so the retina scanner could scan my eye and a second later, we were granted access and I motioned for Renn to go ahead of me. Once inside, Renn's jaw dropped at the hundreds of suits of armor hung on the walls from the top down. It was organized by armor type with heavy armor being at the front and the lighter armor toward the back but Renn was new and obviously knew almost nothing about armor. The stuff that mattered, anyway.

"Oh!" She exclaimed and made a beeline for a heavy suit of armor with thin but very resilient dark purple plates. "Could I wear something like this?" She asked, turning towards me.  
"Do you even know what that is?" I asked, testing her military knowledge. She frowned to herself and felt the material and a few seconds later, turned back towards me.  
"It looks like Onyx Armor. Aldrin Labs, right?" She knocked on the plates with her knuckles and nodded to herself with confirmation. "Definitely Onyx." Ok, so she knew her armor. Somewhat.  
"Not bad, not bad." I nodded slowly, "—but it's not for you." I turned to walk towards the back but Renn's huff of disappointment drew me back. "What?" She still had a hand on the armor,  
"I want to try it." She seemed fixed in her decision and I shrugged. If she wanted to carry all that, that was fine with me. I took the armor from where it was being displayed and handed her one piece after another. I hadn't even given her the pieces that _actually _served as protection before I heard the baggage in her arms crash to the floor. I glanced at her over my shoulder,  
"Too _heavy _for you?" I gave her a smug smile and she scowled,  
"Ok, ok, I get it. No heavy." She crossed her arms sourly and I put the armor back in place.  
"No heavy." I reaffirmed and I led her to the back of the building. A suit that resembled an Asari Commando's armor caught my eye and immediately I grabbed it out of its display case and handed it to Renn. "Ariake Technologies, very basic, light, durable, geared for a biotic." I watched as Renn ran a hand over the chest plates and tried to make a scratch on the surface. She continued looking over it for a minute or so and finally exhaled with satisfaction.  
"I like it." She smiled happily and hugged it to her chest. "Wait, what about a helmet?" She looked concerned and I turned back to the display case, dragging the helmet out. It was a standard helmet with a grey stripe along both sides to match the body suit. I tossed it to her and she caught it awkwardly with her fingers. I sighed, training her would be _very _interesting.  
"As an adept, you will probably only need to use a pistol." I motioned for her to follow me again and we moved through another set of doors and here instead of armor on the walls, there were thousands of weapons. From mods to missile launchers and Renn seemed to find something interesting to look at on every shelf. I cleared my throat, "Unless you want to die reloading, you'll never need to use a Cobra Missile Launcher." Renn gave me an annoyed look and put the launcher back in its case,  
"I was just looking." She mumbled. I cocked my head to the side in amusement, humans were so curious. This one more so than others.  
"Right. Like I said, you'll probably only ever use pistols so here." I gave her an M-3 Predator. It was light weight with enough damage capability to knock shields down after a few shots.

"I used to have one of these back home." She pretended to pop a heat sink and shoot imaginary enemies and I gave her a look of bewilderment. "I'm not totally new to this." She defended herself with her chin thrust into the air, pistol in hand and armor thrown over her shoulder. It was an amusing sight.  
"Humans…" I mumbled as we exited military surplus. They never ceased to confuse me. And this one, I turned my back to Renn and let my face fall. This one will never cease to depress me.


	5. Simulations Are Traumatizing

**Hi, guys. Thanks for the reviews. Some are so encouraging and helpful. Thanks for reading; the next chapter is already in progress, so get excited.**

I stepped out of the shuttle landing facility and made my way down the metal steps, carrying my suitcase haphazardly and tucking a piece of stray hair behind my ears. I'd been in Watson only two hours ago and the shuttle ride here was tormenting.

I'd left Greta and my team on Watson to fend for themselves. I knew they'd be fine without me, but the disappointment on her face made me want to rip myself apart. Dr. Eradra just looked angry and he went back into his room, too frustrated to even look at me. Jack was speechless and couldn't stop shaking his head out of disbelief. We'd all made jokes about becoming soldiers. Violence wasn't the answer. I had no idea how many times I'd chanted that at peace parades. Violence _isn't_ the answer. Now here I was going to join the people I protested about. It was all too surprising for everyone, myself included. I don't think any of them would ever really understand what had brought me to the conclusion that I had to join the alliance. I just had to. I couldn't let my brother die in vain. It wasn't for my mother or my father. I didn't call either of them to let them know my change of plans. I didn't desire to. I was done speaking with my mother for now and my father was her servant, so I couldn't talk to him either.

The citadel looked newer, more chic and the air felt much heavier than the air in Watson. I wasn't really sure why, perhaps that was just the way I felt. Heavier. I walked down the street and pulled out my phone, entering Seth's number. The phone rang twice and he picked up.

"Renn!" He said into the phone with enthusiasm.

"I'm here", I said to him.

"Good, I'm glad your ticket arrangement worked out", he said, snickering in the background.

"You're an ass", I growled at him. While we were on the phone before I left Watson, he had already purchased my ticket and my scheduled flight was in three hours. In the middle of the night.

"I do what I can", I could tell he was smirking and if I could see him, I would probably want to punch him. "You remember where my office is, right?" He asked.

"Of course, I remember", I scoffed at him.

"I'll see you soon, Renn", he said, ending the call. I made my way down the street and began noticing several things that had changed since the last time I'd been there. I was a sophomore in college and I had decided to visit Alex. It was over Christmas and I promised myself that I would go visit him before the year was over and I finally did.

There was now a statue of Ashley Williams in place of a water fountain in one of the closest parks. She was an alliance fighter who died on Vimire. There was a metallic plaque underneath and it read, "In Remembrance of Ashley Williams." I ran my fingers over it absentmindedly and adjusted the shoulder straps of my bag so it wouldn't fall off.

"Maybe I'll be like you one day," I said to myself, "A memorable soldier…not dead, of course." I remembered her death clearly. My brother had called me as soon as he heard news. Shepard was his idol and he kept me up to date with things that were going on. He'd always had an affinity for the man, even when he joined Cerberus, Alex could tell there was an ulterior motive that caused Shepard to do what he did.

I shook my head and looked down at my watch and gasped. I was already late. I quickly held my bag close to me and ran down the street towards the building that towered over most of the rest. It was grey and almost uninviting, but I pressed forward.

Seth was waiting for me at the front and I smiled at him. He tapped his wrist and I shrugged.

"You are SO late", Seth said, ruffling my hair. "Nice hair cut. Where were you?"

"Thanks, I cut it for this", I gave him a big hug without managing to drop my stuff. He took my bag from me and put it over his own shoulder. "I was just admiring…stuff."

"Yeah, they've added some new things since the last time you've been", he said shrugging. "So how have you been?"

"I'm fine", I said quietly. "Before I left for Watson, my mother, well-"

"Your father told me", he said, nodding in an understanding way.

"You spoke with my father?" I looked at him confused.

"Yes, I called him after you called me. He was shocked to hear that you decided to join."

"Does my mother know?" I asked him, searching his eyes, but I could already tell he didn't have the answer.

"I don't know, Renn", he sighed. "Well once again, I like your hair."

"Me too", I said, nudging his shoulder.

"It's a good thing you got it done, because they probably would have just shaved your entire head", he said laughing.

"Who are they?" I asked him skeptically.

"Me", he burst out laughing. He still acted like a teenager sometimes.

I'd known him since I was young. My family and I traveled from base to base and Seth was a soldier underneath my father. He was the boy who taught us both how to handle guns as teenagers…it was almost strange to see him as a commander. He definitely didn't act like one in front of me.

"So now that I'm here…" I looked up at him as we ascended the steps into the building.

"I have some forms on desk that need to be filled out for oyu", he said. "Let's go!" He walked on in front of me.

"Yes, that's right. Forms", the doors slid open to reveal a lobby full of people in uniform and it was nearly overwhelming. A couple of salarians were talking up a storm in the corner and some of them even looked at me. I felt like a mouse in a cage being examined and experimented on. I felt my eyes widen even more. Seth had to grab my forearm and pull me along with him towards the elevator. A turian stood at the side of the elevator, waiting to be given instruction.

"I can't believe I'm actually here", he rubbed the back of his head and laughed again.

"It was your choice", he said, stepping out of the elevator and walking towards a door. He slid his key card and it opened to reveal a metallic desk with a plush chair behind it and two in front of it. The window was huge and had a fantastic view of the Citadel. Seth set my stuff down next to the door and went to go sit behind his desk.

"I know it was my choice. I'm glad I made it", I said, smiling and taking a seat in one of his chairs. "So the forms?" He handed me a datapad and told me to fill it out.

"Yeah, just fill that out. Next, you'll be put into basic training here on the Citadel. We have a firing range, a simulation arena and outfitted officers already training new recruits. After training, you'll probably be taken to camp specializing in your class. Since you are who you are, I have you training with someone more than qualified to get you caught up. A personal friend", he nodded, taking the datapad from me. "You'll do fine. You're a Boncroft. If you're made out of stone like the rest of your family, then you'll do just fine." My eyes widened and I looked down at myself. I was never very athletic. Running was almost a daily thing for me, so the exercise wouldn't be any trouble. The only thing that troubled me was the actual fighting. When put into a battle zone would I pull the trigger…or would I hesitate?

"Personal…training?" I asked, getting nervous. "I don't think I need special treatment like this-"

"It's nothing. The Major is happy to oblige, I'm sure", Seth said, waving his arms and shooing away my plea.

"What's his name?" It was almost too perfect. The commander took a step in front of me and said,

"Major Redovian!" I couldn't see who walked in, but his heavy footfalls immediately gave me some kind of sign. I smelled alcohol in the air and I knew he'd been drinking this…Mr. Redovian character.

"Commander", the major responded curtly. I leaned to the left to try to see around Seth. He immediately stepped to the side and I couldn't keep myself from gasping.

It was the turian I'd met at my brother's funeral. His name was…Cole…Col…I couldn't remember which one.

"You.." I said almost inaudibly.

I'm not sure what Seth said next. I wasn't listening anymore. All I could see was the turian. His flicking gold eyes and the flang to his voice. He was very professional with his arms behind his back, but he looked…horrible. You could see inner turmoil written all over him and the smell of alcohol only assured me that something was going on with him. I couldn't say anything. I'd only met the guy once. Seth left the room with a wide smile on his face and I watched him go, wishing he wouldn't. Major Redovian's eyes were on everything in the room but me, and every time he did look at me, he would immediately look away and I felt a pang of discomfort. He didn't want to be here. I could clearly see it. Did he hate humans? I didn't think he was the type…The thought almost made me want to tear up. I spoke to him vaguely about how the commander had assessed me as adept and possibly mentioned my implant appointment. He nodded along, but was straight to the point and took me to get my armor and weapons first.

We walked down hallway after hallway and I nearly had to jog to keep up. I guess he noticed eventually when he stopped taking longer strides so I could keep up with him at a brisk walk. We went to the armor room first where he gave me an adept outfitting and then the next room was weapons. I touched almost all of them, admiring. He eventually handed me one called a predator and said that biotics don't really use their weapons. Pistols were the right kind of guns. He was the major so I agreed with what he said and took the gun.

It brought back memories. Seth had taught me to shoot using the predator and it only felt a little unfamiliar, knowing the weapon probably been modified since then.

I looked up at Col, I'd now confirmed his name and saved myself from any embarrassment I may have caused myself in the future. He walked down the hall to what must have been an indoor firing range. I could already hear the sound of shots being fired and thermal clips being replaced. It was almost rhythmic. He opened the door with his card and several men and a couple of women were leaned over a barrier, shooting at targets that popped up relentlessly. I stared down at my pistol and then up at Col.

"This is the Alliance's training center firing range", he said curtly. "So, take your pistol and fire it a couple of times. Get the feel." I took a step forward nervously and sank to my knees, leaning over the barrier like the other soldiers in training were doing. I looked back at Col and he watched me with an amused smirk on his face. I gave him a small smile and leaned over again. I fired one shot at a target and it hit low. I aimed again and took another shot. With each one, it got closer to the center of each flying target. I kept going until my thermal clip ran out and I began to reach for another one that was kept inside of the barrier in bin. A hand to my right stopped me from picking one up and he shook his head.

"You can only use one clip", he growled at me. My eyes widened considerably and I put it down.

"Oh, I-…I'm sorry. I didn't know", I gave him an apologetic smile.

"Lucky a commander wasn't in here to see you try that. You'd be given cleaning duties for three weeks", he made me jump and I sank further down to the floor. "Stupid rookie", he scoffed, leaning back over the barrier.

"Officer Blithe", Col cut in, taking a step forward and grabbing a thermal clip from the bin in front of me. "She's my trainee and I give her permission to use another one." He looked the officer straight in the face and I stared at them both, afraid of what was going to happen.

"I think I'm okay with the gun for right now, major", I said quietly, leaning away from him.

"Great!" Col said, clapping his hands together. His mandibles clicked angrily. "Then we can move onto your first sim." He stood up and waited for me at the door, looking furious, mandibles still clicking. I followed him down another hall until we came to a room with a sitting area and beyond that was an entirely gridded white room. The sitting room had a huge window that showed the inside of the simulation arena, for watching, observing…ridiculing.

"Co- I mean…Major Redovian, what is a sim?" I asked, extremely intimidated by what I thought it might be.

"A military training simulation. A simulated battlefield with varying levels of difficulty", he said. He tapped a small button on the wall and a keyboard flipped out and a small screen lit up. He typed something into it and smiled at me. "You're going to need to change into that armor. There's a backroom right over there." I went to the place where he was putting and there was a small handle. I turned it and it opened into a small bathroom. I quickly unfolded my armor and looked at it. How the hell was I supposed to get this on? I put the top on first, buckling it closed on the front. It was tight and I undid the top buckle around my neck. I then put on the pants, shimmying my way into them. They were skin tight, but thick and were made to protect. I felt safer in it. I stepped out and looked at Col. He looked over at me and nodded.

"The door to go in is in front of you…if you're ready for this."

"Am I doing this alone?" I asked.

"Yes", he responded almost numbly. I tried to suppress the shudder that went through my spine.

"I'm ready." _No I'm_not I thought. I held my gun at my side and walked through the door.

The lights immediately dimmed and I was surround by complete darkness. My breath caught in my throat in the silence and I edged myself against the wall. It didn't feel like the smooth, white wall I'd seen. It felt rocky, rough. My gun slipped out of my hand and clattered to the floor and I immediately leaned down to get it. I wasn't sure what to expect from this.

The lights slowly raised and I was shocked to see what I was seeing. Several rock barriers stood erect all over the room and I immediately went to go touch one. The terrain beneath my feet was now made of stone. It looked so real. A chill settled in the air and I took step forward towards the center of the arena. I walked from rock to rock, touching each one. I wasn't aware of the enemy until it started firing and I immediately fell to the floor, ducking behind a rock and sucking in air. I'd forgotten I was supposed to be fighting something. I leaned over the edge and saw a masked figure carrying a heavy looking gun. He fired a shot again and I immediately covered my head. I could hear more footsteps moving through the arena and I leaned over the edge, shooting shots like I'd done in the firing range only 15 minutes ago. Two of the men went down, but several more kept coming. I dodged from rock to rock and tried my best to keep low. That's what you were supposed to do right? So many were in the arena that I could hardly peek my head out without getting shot at. They were surrounding me. I ducked behind the rock, covered my head and waited. I could feel the tears beginning to come. I _wasn't_ ready for this. This is what Alex had probably gone through everyday just to prepare himself to die in some freak accident. Sobs wracked my body and I sat curled up behind the fake rock for who knows how long.


End file.
